Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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