Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
