He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
