i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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