Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
