i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
