similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
