Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I am mentally ready for anal.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
