im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
