oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
