your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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