My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
