I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
