I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
