I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
