it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
