your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
