he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
