Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize