i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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