How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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