I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
