You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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