And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
