Apparently you make a good broom.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My cat gives me a boner
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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