we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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