I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
