I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im six kinds of drunk right now
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
