I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
