Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
