I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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