4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
