i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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