hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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