i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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