i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Randomize
