dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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