We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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