thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
