I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
