Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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