some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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