Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
