yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Randomize
