I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
