Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
