You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Can I color on your dick again?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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