I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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