my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
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