Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
