You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
