i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This is the high leading the old right now
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
