dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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