also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
