i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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