suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
