did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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