I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
is it fun? or sober?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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