my mouth tastes like poor choices
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
