Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
