I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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