i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
