the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
