You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
