We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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