if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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