I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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