Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
