Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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