The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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