Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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