Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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