She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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