Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
