My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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