True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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