btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
