Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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