So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
