sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
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