could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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