Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
