He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
