can u get pink eye on your cock?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
